Appreciative interaction promotes our mental well-being and strengthens our relationships. We particularly like to express our appreciation for each other around Christmas with lovingly wrapped gifts. Psychologist Viktoria Lanthier reveals just how good gift-giving is for us and our relationships.

Gifts to our relationships
In prehistoric times, sharing with others was a prerequisite for facilitating the survival of a social group or even making it possible at all. Gifts were used to compensate for social disadvantage and ensured the continued existence of the community.
Even if the framework conditions have changed in the meantime: The desire to share and give gifts has remained with us to this day.
Psychologist Lanthier emphasizes that successful gift-giving depends heavily on whether we can really listen to others and empathize with them. "If we want to make someone happy, it's worth investing thought and energy in advance. It's not just what we give, but also the thought and attention that has gone into the gift beforehand." What wish did my child express? What did my partner mention the other day that would make her life easier? What you like is individual. You can be pragmatic, as a US study by Stanford University and Harvard University confirms. People feel appreciated when we fulfil their wishes and see it as proof that someone has paid attention. "Ultimately, successful gift-giving has a lot to do with empathy," emphasizes Lanthier. The act of giving creates a sense of connection. The lovingly wrapped gift strengthens bonds and helps to build lasting relationships.

Helper's High: The joy of giving
The ritual of giving touches both the recipient and the giver. Who doesn't know the pleasant tingling sensation when you've found a really great gift for a loved one? The anticipation of the moment when you can finally present the gift? "I can't wait to see the faces", sings Chris Rea in his Christmas hit "Driving home for Christmas". This joy in the joy of others can be explained by neuroscience: Giving activates areas in the brain that are associated with positive social interaction. "When we give gifts to others, the pleasure and reward center in our brain is activated in a similar way to when we receive a gift ourselves," says the psychologist, referring to study results. There is a technical term for this feeling of elation: the helper's high describes the euphoric feeling when you do something good for other people. Endorphins are released when giving a gift. Oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine boost our mood and reduce the effect of the stress hormone cortisol. A number of research findings point to this.

Precious and unique: "gifts of time"
Incidentally, the joy is not automatically greater if the gift was particularly expensive, as another study by Stanford University shows. In fact, material things are by no means the only way to express love and appreciation. Many people refuse to give gifts "at the push of a button" and more and more people are attaching importance to sustainable gifts. Attention and time devoted to loved ones are very valuable in our "consumer society". "Giving the gift of shared activities is something special," emphasizes the psychologist. "Money and time have different values in our lives. We earn money, we spend money. The time I give, on the other hand, never comes back."

Giving is contagious
Even if ritualized gift-giving at Christmas or on birthdays is popular and widespread - surprises in between "work" even better, the joy is all the greater: "We know from studies that our reward center in the brain is particularly activated when we receive a surprise gift," explains Lanthier. These surprise gifts have another positive effect: the willingness to help of those unexpectedly gifted is particularly high and increases fourfold compared to those who are not gifted. "People who are given to are also happy to give," confirms the psychologist. "By giving gifts, we can trigger a kind of chain reaction."

The language of love
For the American couples therapist Gary Chapman, gifts are even one of the "five languages of love". "They can be used to express what you might not be able to express well in words. For example, the love or gratitude you feel for someone," explains Lanthier. "Giving gifts as a language of love gives us the opportunity to exercise our own empathy muscle and is rewarded handsomely with the Helper's High." As positive as gifts are, you shouldn't stress yourself out when choosing the (perfect) gift. It's better to stay relaxed in the knowledge: It's the (good) thought that counts.